Conferences and Conversation

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As a prosecuting attorney presents evidence to live up to the burden of proof, my son’s teacher presented baggies containing his wrongdoings, one after another, in our first conference.  The pencil, split in half lengthwise, demonstrated his lack of respect for the environment.  (I thought about his burning desire to learn the internal workings of tools.)  The tongs, carelessly broken while using them as a lever to lift increasingly heavy cylinders.  (I thought about his testing of mechanical advantage as a 4 year-old.)  Lastly, the end of a stick, once wielded as a sword on the playground, riling up his playmates to a Lord of the Flies frenzy.  (I thought about his leadership qualities and boundless energy that could shift easily to a new focus if encouraged.)
     Before I could ask questions or suggest my thoughts of ways to help, the teacher pushed the baggies aside and turned to the four pages of rubric descriptors and my son’s scores.  In an effort to “cover” all of the descriptors, we failed to have real conversation about any of them.

How different the conversation might have been if only…

  • I  had known about issues as they happened.
  • I had heard a balance of feedback about my child.  What was he doing well?  What positives might not be represented in a rubric score but could be seen in his interactions with his peers?
  • I had a chance to review those scores in advance or had been given some guidance on how best to support the specific skills in which he excelled or struggled.
  • I had been asked to share my hopes and worries about my child.
  • I was encouraged to ask questions and to make meaning during our conversation.
  • I heard from the teacher she wanted and needed my partnership to help my son succeed.

That conference made me think about the parents coming to see me for conferences and the power of dialogue before, during and after those meetings.  While I often began conferences with questions (What does your daughter tell you about Freshman Composition? or What have you heard from your son about our study of focus in Creative Writing?), I typically transitioned into my monologue from there. No more, I vowed.

Instead of sharing the same data with parents they had seen online, I began asking more questions and helping them find ways to focus their support of their child.  I shared anecdotes, suggested resources, and elicited feedback on what they saw as their child’s greatest assets and struggles.  The conference became more of a conversation, and both sides of the table learned something new during our time.

How do you promote dialogue with parents during conferences?  How has online grade access shaped that dialogue?

 

 

 

11 thoughts on “Conferences and Conversation

  1. I always begin with, “So, what has (name) said about class?”

    Then I always mention a positive. Then I always offer an area for improvement. Then I offer a time for in-depth communication via telephone or private conference at school at another time.

    • Thanks, Mitch. I like opening the conference with a question, too, since I find it to reveal so much about the communication patterns between the parents and children. While some parents share tons of feedback about what their child likes/dislikes about my course, others lament their lack of communication with their child and are most eager to hear that he or she is happy at school in general.

  2. Mitch, you make a good point…the time allotment doesn’t offer in depth time. A couple of years ago, I asked students to type their strengths and areas for writing improvements. That seemed to work well. This year I may consult with Katie Meyers about how she asks kids to track their progress. I think she uses Mazano model. This year, I will have list of Books That shaped America and their choice. I will also have their election topics. Yes, I always begin with positives, needs for improvement, and then ask what I need to know about their children to help improve their literacy skills.

  3. Thanks, Donna. I am eager to hear how sharing your students’ book choices shapes your conferences. I know it has been exciting to read your students’ and parents’ responses to these texts on your blog, cananclass.edublogs.org.

  4. I love that you ask them how/what they have seen from their son/daughter. That’s a great idea. Focusing on giving support to enhance the class or what the student is learning instead of talking about the past. Excellent notion!! Thank you.

    • Thanks, Michael. Your idea about focusing on the future is especially key since many of our parents are active in the online gradebook and know about past scores. Where they might need help is with focusing on what essential areas their child needs to focus on or where she excels for future or continued success.

  5. In conversations with parents, I try to include one story about each child that shows them I know their child as more than a grade.

    @Mitch Eden, I really like your question. Thanks.

    • That’s a great idea too…thinking about one thing in particular that they did in class, or something funny that they said.

      Nice!

    • Thanks, Olivia. That idea of knowing our kids as more than a grade is a powerful one. We all have had those students who might be approaching expectations in essential skills for the course but exceeding expectations when it comes to being a good, kind person.

  6. One thing that surprised me at first was the number of conferences I had with parents whose children were doing well in my course. In those cases, I have used conferences to find out about the parents’ concerns about issues not necessarily related to my course such as college admissions, testing, electives, etc. Often, parents aren’t quite sure where to go with these questions and I can give them specific names and contact information. I find it’s a good way to continue to building our partnership and also to find out more about the interests or needs of a student.

    • Thanks, Lara. Those conferences where we help parents and students navigate the waters beyond our classroom can help parents see us as more than teachers of one content but as people who care about their children and their future successes in all areas of life. Offering a connection for parents to our amazing college counselors or making a suggestion about an elective that might stir the curiosity of their child is a fabulous way to deepen that partnership.

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